I carry your heart with me(I carry it in my heart)

"I want you to be my mom!" said the Girl.

"Sweetie, you already have a mom." I said.

"I mean a mommy over here, at daddy's house." she responded

"Ohhh. I see. Well your dad and I aren't married yet. When we get married, then I can be your mom."

"Oh. Well I'll call you my future mom then- is that ok?" she asked me.

Is that ok. I can't think of anything MORE ok than that.

I Carry Your Heart with Me~ E. E. Cummings

I carry your heart with me(I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by

only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate

(for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world

(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

I don't suck, you suck. Nuh uh, YOU suck...

From the backseat:
Girl: "I sort of got in trouble on Friday and had to go to my room."

Me: "Oh really. Why was that?"

Girl: "Well stepdad isn't playing at the fair anymore because he got fired. And I said, they must not have like the way you played. I didn't know that it would hurt his feelings and I had to apologize 3 times and write him a letter telling him how sorry I am. I really didn't know it would hurt his feelings."

Me: "Well, I'm sorry you got in trouble, but that probably was a little hurtful."

Girl: "Yeah, I know. Stepdad also said that Dad's band sucks and that their drummer is just average."

Wow! Talk about textbook displacement.

Here's the skinny

The time has finally come. I can no longer avoid it. I've spent the past 6 years battling my weight and I have finally won- sort of.

It's been a challenge too. I have always been thin. When I graduated from high school I weighed in at a whopping 110 lbs, and I'm 5'6". Even after 14 years I still only average about 120lbs. What's wrong with this you say? Well, for one thing, I'm not built like a runway model. I've been an athlete all my life- gymnastics, ballet and track- and was, at one point in my life, a body builder. I'm built lean and very strong. In fact, I could out "bench" most of the men I knew at that time- 190 lbs to be exact. Not too shabby for someone who weighs 110lbs! Putting weight on and keeping it on has always been a struggle.

The news lately has got me thinking. What if I were a celebrity. Would the paparazzi hound me for being too thin? Granted there have been times in my life where I looked in a mirror and thought "holy crap you look sick!" And I even had a parent- principle meeting in high school about whether or not I was anorexic-- My mom laughed her way out of his office, offering to have him pay our grocery bills for a while. People have pretty much always assumed that I was trying to be thin. That there simply must be something wrong with me.

Well, at least until recently. The combination of being in a great relationship and being in executive management instead of in a branch (I work for a bank), have made my life much, much less stressful. So, after trying for long time to put weight on (and after months of eating hotdogs and drinking Budweiser), I've finally gotten to my sweet spot, 125lbs!!

The only problem with this is that I realized last night after a heathly walk in the park that I am in the worst shape I have ever been in. I highly doubt that I could lift the bar let alone bench press 190lbs anymore.

My solution- drop $700 on an expensive coat hanger, errr I mean Bow Flex! This seems to be a good solution since I hate cardio and love lifting weights.

Plus, my clothes are dying for change of venue.... We'll see, we'll just see.....

Once upon a time...I woulda knocked your block off!

There once was a time when, lacking maturity and experience, I would have reacted differently to the dealings I've had recently with a few angry individuals. I wouldn't have been able to contain myself, keep my mouth shut, and keep my anger in check. Fifteen years ago, after enduring the comments I've heard spouted off by these folks lately, it would have come to blows.

I spent many years of my life battling assholes and injustices with my fists. I know- not too lady like, and certainly not a noble way to handle things. I couldn't STAND a person who thought they were so much better than someone else that they would treat them poorly. This was usually the school nerd, or the poor dirty kid that got made fun of all the time. If I heard it, you might as well have said those words to me. I was getting involved and you wouldn't like it.

I alway stood up for those who I thought could not stand on their own.

I was good at it too. There is a perverse pleasure in doing something that you're good at. I learned to fight young and often growing up. Being a military brat meant living in base housing and at that time, the 70's, it wasn't the nicest neighborhood around. When I was 4, a 16 year old neighbor girl "befriended" me. She spent the next year terrorizing and torturing me. My dad then taught me self defense moves that I have actually come to cherish. Unfortunately, they came in very handy in my high school fights.

By the time I reached the age of 16, I had been in a handful of "real" fights. No pulling hair or scratching here. Nope. I used my fists. And be the time I reached the legal driving age, I had used them several times on girls and guys alike. I never hurt anyone too bad. I was always cognizant of hurting someone to teach them a lesson, not permanently damaging them. But I'm sure I left mental scars instead, which is almost worse.

It wasn't until after getting the tar beat out of me by 3 girls at once that I started to realize what a total BAFOON I had become. Not because I stood up for myself and others but because I allowed ignorant, shallow people to make me angry. And the root of all my fighting was anger. I was anger at being picked on as child. I was angry at seeing others being picked on. I was just angry.

I also learned that I could speak my mind without it resulting in something physical. In fact, to have to degrade youself to a gross physical act to get your point across is not a sign of intelligence but ignorance. I can still stand up for injustices and for those who can not stand on their own. Only now if I decide to act, it's to perform an act of kindness. I've also learned that I can have the tools and physical ability to defend myself. This is ok. It's not ok to use these to dominate a situation.

Today, as I sat thinking about a few people in my life who LOVE to trash on me and my boyfriend, I thought- "Ooooh if only I could meet them on the street. I'd....". Fifteen years ago, that sentence would have ended quite differently than it would today. Today I, if provoked, would likely give them a peice of my mind (hey I'm not perfect!) If not provoked, I'd smile and make eye contact. I might even say hello. Then, I would let go of any anger I had and walk away.

Still I rise....

I've been to: Reno Chicago Fargo Minnesota Buffalo Toronto Winslow Sarasota Wichita Tulsa Ottawa Oklahoma Tampa Panama Mattawa LaPaloma Bangor Baltimore Salvador Amarillo... "gasp" breathe....Tocapillo Barranquilla And Padilla....

Okay maybe not quite. But it sure feels like it lately. Now don't get me wrong- I enjoy wracking up the frequent flyer miles and I always said I wanted a job where I could travel. But you know the old adage, "be carful what you ask for. You just might get it."

It didn't really starting hitting me how much time I've been away from home until last week. While visiting beautiful Baker City, Oregon I awoke one evening, and like usual, had to look at the time (I do this repeatedly throughout the night, almost every night.) This evening things weren't quite right. I couldn't for the life of me figure out WHY in the world Tim would move my alarm clock to the opposite side of the bed. What the hell??? Ahhh, Duh! That alarm clock would belong to the Best Western.

I also started really feelin' all the miles when in 5 days I had traveled to 5 different states. I started out working in Oregon until Friday, back to Idaho, then Tim and I were off at 8:00 on Saturday morning to Nevada, only to then drive to California for Tim's gig- which didn't get over until 1:00am on Monday morning, to then get up at 2:30 am (yep, that's an hour and a half of sleep folks- not pretty) to drive back to Nevada to then fly to Spokane to give a presentation for work at 1:30pm that same day.

Please understand- I don't get to travel to exotic lands and far off places of adventure. No. I get to spend 3 days and 800 miles going to places like Enterprise, Pilot Rock, Pendleton, Burns and John Day. Haven't heard of these high profile tourist destinations? Exactly my point. But it's not all bad. The Best Western of Baker City gets balanced out with the Davenport in Spokane-which MORE than makes up for it!

Now I'm home, and I am ready for a few days of peace and quite. What will I do with all that time?

Hmmmm. I'm not doing anything this weekend. Maybe I'll plan a trip somewhere.

The Pot Calling The Kettle Black ( to say something about someone else which is actually true of you yourself ... )

The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third
Edition. 2002.

pot calling the
kettle black

Criticizing others for the very fault one
possesses.

Story of the Kettle

By Christine

When the pot called the kettle black, the kettle was somewhat offended. Until he thought deep and hard about the issue. "How could the pot call me black," he asked. "The pot is even blacker than me!"

The kettle marched right up to the pot and shouted "Hey you skinny-armed, pot belly piece of tin! How come you called me black!"

The pot, who hates confrontation, was quite put off by this. What was that good-for-nothing kettle doing yelling at me? That kettle is sooo judgemental How could he be the way he is. I am so much better than him. I would never be like that.

So, he yelled back "Hey kettle, you are so judgemental. I would never be that way. You should be like me."

The kettle looked sympathetically at the pot then, suddenly deeply sadden that the pot couldn't see it's own shoot and dirt. He came to realize that the pot was so busy scrutinizing and judging everyone else he couldn't see that he was just as black as the kettle. As black as anyone....

Pot calling the kettle black
from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The phrase "Pot calling the kettle black" is an idiom, used to accuse another speaker of hypocrisy, in that the speaker disparages the subject in a way that could equally be applied to him or her. In former times cast iron pots and kettles were quickly blackened from the soot of the fire. If personified into animate objects, the pot would then be hypocritical to insult the kettle's colour. The phrase "It takes one to know one" has a similar meaning. Chinese philosopher Mencius relates a similar story about a soldier laughing at another soldier retreating 100 steps, while retreating 50 steps himself.[1] There's a similar idiom in Turkish; "Tencere dibin kara