There once was a time when, lacking maturity and experience, I would have reacted differently to the dealings I've had recently with a few angry individuals. I wouldn't have been able to contain myself, keep my mouth shut, and keep my anger in check. Fifteen years ago, after enduring the comments I've heard spouted off by these folks lately, it would have come to blows.
I spent many years of my life battling assholes and injustices with my fists. I know- not too lady like, and certainly not a noble way to handle things. I couldn't STAND a person who thought they were so much better than someone else that they would treat them poorly. This was usually the school nerd, or the poor dirty kid that got made fun of all the time. If I heard it, you might as well have said those words to me. I was getting involved and you wouldn't like it.
I alway stood up for those who I thought could not stand on their own.
I was good at it too. There is a perverse pleasure in doing something that you're good at. I learned to fight young and often growing up. Being a military brat meant living in base housing and at that time, the 70's, it wasn't the nicest neighborhood around. When I was 4, a 16 year old neighbor girl "befriended" me. She spent the next year terrorizing and torturing me. My dad then taught me self defense moves that I have actually come to cherish. Unfortunately, they came in very handy in my high school fights.
By the time I reached the age of 16, I had been in a handful of "real" fights. No pulling hair or scratching here. Nope. I used my fists. And be the time I reached the legal driving age, I had used them several times on girls and guys alike. I never hurt anyone too bad. I was always cognizant of hurting someone to teach them a lesson, not permanently damaging them. But I'm sure I left mental scars instead, which is almost worse.
It wasn't until after getting the tar beat out of me by 3 girls at once that I started to realize what a total BAFOON I had become. Not because I stood up for myself and others but because I allowed ignorant, shallow people to make me angry. And the root of all my fighting was anger. I was anger at being picked on as child. I was angry at seeing others being picked on. I was just angry.
I also learned that I could speak my mind without it resulting in something physical. In fact, to have to degrade youself to a gross physical act to get your point across is not a sign of intelligence but ignorance. I can still stand up for injustices and for those who can not stand on their own. Only now if I decide to act, it's to perform an act of kindness. I've also learned that I can have the tools and physical ability to defend myself. This is ok. It's not ok to use these to dominate a situation.
Today, as I sat thinking about a few people in my life who LOVE to trash on me and my boyfriend, I thought- "Ooooh if only I could meet them on the street. I'd....". Fifteen years ago, that sentence would have ended quite differently than it would today. Today I, if provoked, would likely give them a peice of my mind (hey I'm not perfect!) If not provoked, I'd smile and make eye contact. I might even say hello. Then, I would let go of any anger I had and walk away.
Still I rise....
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